Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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