Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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