You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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