Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
