Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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