I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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