Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
