Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
