ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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