I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
