So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
