My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
