I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
