He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
