You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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