Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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