It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
