Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
