His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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