I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
