Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
