Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
