The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
