I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you traded sex for a burrito?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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