i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
