Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
