I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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