so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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