I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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