Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
