I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
