peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
