i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
