It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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