I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
