I can tuck mytits in my pants
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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