i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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