I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
