How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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