Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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