did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
