I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
