You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
