he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
