Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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