carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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