So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
