Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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