Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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