That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
